What does it take to be popular

Getting more popular: 15 tricks for more sympathy

The first impression counts, this is a truism. That doesn't even mean that people can't be wrong or that they can't complete their impression on second glance. But we get a picture of our counterpart within a split second. Do we find someone sympathetic? Do we feel uncomfortable around him? There is something about some people that instantly captivates others. If only one could find out what it is for oneself become more popular to be able to ... That works! Popular people have in common that they show certain behavioral patterns. We'll show you what these are and how they can become more popular with various tricks ...

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Be popular: psychology of sympathy

Being popular, finding someone sympathetic - how does someone actually become a person of sympathy?

Sympathy comes from Latin and means the ability to spontaneous affection to feel. The Meyers Konversations-Lexikon in 1911 sees sympathy as the ability to “sympathize with the joy and suffering of others”. In this sense, sympathy is very close to empathy, because empathizing with other people also plays a role here.

In contrast to empathy, sympathy remains something more on the surface: We recognize certain behaviors in our counterparts. Things we know about ourselves. We accept ourselves, we find us sympathetic and so do our counterparts.

It works the same with that Opposite of sympathy, of antipathy. We reject someone, find them unsympathetic because we cannot understand their behavior, because it seems completely alien to us. That, in turn, explains why even celebrities are incredibly popular: They may be foreign, but exhibit behaviors that seem familiar to us.

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Becoming more popular as a success factor

It is obvious: which applicant will be accepted after an interview with two equally good applications? Of course, the one who seems more personable. To be popular pays off in every way, privately and professionally. And let's be honest, who doesn't want to be more popular?

All you have to do is take a look at the world of film, the world of literature - who will get the girl in the end? Naturally the hero. It is the same in all areas, but you don't necessarily have to flee into the world of the rich and celebrities. The class swarm, the sports cannon - they have qualities that bring them success.

Those who are popular have a large network. Can count on someone in an emergency reaching out to help. As a popular employee, a promotion is much more likely - especially the transfer of more responsibility, such as through a management position.

Popular employees also pay off for the company in other ways:

  • You manage to make other colleagues stronger motivate.
  • With their charm and humor they contribute to that more efficient work is being done on projects.
  • Be by your persuasiveness new orders pulled ashore.
  • With their social skills you can Conflicts defused faster become.

The other way around: if you are not particularly popular, there are of course good reasons to want to become more popular: All your technical skills are great, but you alone will become them not get far. Ultimately, this is also evident in the various hierarchical levels.

Bosses who are unpopular have one higher fluctuation rate and more frequent sick leave by demotivated employees. Employee loyalty is also about respectful behavior.

Those who give their employees the feeling valuable to the company Being is automatically more popular than a boss who only shows up in times of crisis and then may still complain.

And let's be honest: Who likes to work with colleagues or superiors whom they don't like?

Getting more popular means getting older

At least this is the conclusion reached by the psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University. They evaluated the data from 148 studies on the effects of social relationships over the lifetime. It recorded the data of over 308,000 participants between 6 and 92 years of age worldwide.

That was checked respective network size of subjects, the number of friends, whether they lived alone and to what extent they took part in social activities. The participants were then followed during the study period and examined for their mortality rate.

Result: the larger the social network, the higher the life expectancy. Life expectancy also had a positive effect on people who had high-quality relationships: these people had one 91 percent higher survival rate. Lonely people, on the other hand, had a shorter lifespan and were more susceptible to disease.

You can read the details of the meta-study (PDF) here.

What stands in the way of becoming popular

You are sure to know people who are rather unsympathetic to you right away. Indeed there are traits and behaviors that stand in the way of popularity. These include, for example:

  • negativity

    Anyone who only sees the bad in everything, complains about everything and everyone, repels others. And that's pure self-protection, because the phenomenon of negative reinforcement can spread to anyone. Just complaining instead of actively changing something sucks out the last drop of energy.

  • Blasphemy

    People who spread rumors and gossip can poison the working atmosphere. As long as you are on their side, everything is fine - if you disagree, the tide can turn quickly. Such “leaks” cannot be trusted.

  • Phlegmatism

    If you want to become more popular, you definitely have to work on your communication skills. Phlegmatic people, for example, should. They are born sleeping pills. Boredom personified. If anything, they are more likely to attract attention, as they are extremely monotonous in their behavior and interests.

  • Profile neurotic

    At the other extreme are profile neurotics who may have something to tell, but actually everything revolves around them. They seize every topic, only to talk about themselves again shortly afterwards. Others are not paid any attention, and when they do, it is only to make them look worse than themselves.

  • Submissiveness

    There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy selfishness. The latter does not help to become more popular. Healthy egoism, on the other hand, does. This includes expressing your own opinion and accepting friction with others from time to time. If, on the other hand, you try to please everyone and constantly put your own needs aside, you seem unsavory and an easy victim for colleagues with bullying tendencies.

15 ways you can get more popular

The desire for recognition and after being liked by others is deeply ingrained in everyone. The internet is full of how-to guides on how to get more popular.

Even free voodoo books are sometimes offered. The successful author was much more pragmatic Dale Carnegie in his bestseller "How to Make Friends: The Art of Being Popular and Influential" to:

The art of winning people over is to make them feel important. If we learn this art, all doors in our private and professional life are open to us.

How this is meant and how you manage to become more popular with others, we show here:

  • Put yourself in other people's shoes.

    Giving others a feeling of importance means putting yourself in other people's shoes, i.e. showing emotional intelligence and empathy.

    It means yourself To take time for someoneso that we can understand it and respond appropriately. You can do this by observing: What motives and values ​​does your counterpart represent? Which characteristics can you recognize? What are his interests, what bothers him? Those who decipher these questions can react appropriately to their fellow human beings.

  • Actively listen.

    If you want to become more popular, you have to pay attention. People feel valuable when they are listened to and respected. At the same time, this means taking yourself back in this moment, not wanting to talk about yourself all the time.

    The ability to listen actively has one Double effect: On the one hand, you increase the self-esteem of your counterpart and, on the other hand, you leave a charming impression that makes you a popular conversation partner.

  • Ask for advice.

    By doing this, you enter your fellow human beings Feeling of competence and importance. People love to be asked for advice and thereby prove what they know.

    When you ask others for advice, you are above all different from an unsympathetic know-it-all: He never asks for advice, but rather always gives advice without being asked. In doing so, he makes others seem stupid and at the same time increases himself - that is not how popular is not possible.

  • Imitate a person inconspicuously.

    You can get more popular by imitating a person. Mostly it's something that happens automatically anyway when we find someone sympathetic. It is the so-called Resonance phenomenon.

    Imitation concerns facial expressions, gestures, certain behavioral patterns as well as modes of expression and choice of words. Take advantage of the effect by imitating a person inconspicuously and sparingly (see also so-called Mirror technique or chameleon effect).

    Through this consonance radiate sympathy and harmony, They show that you are on the same wavelength. Your counterpart will automatically feel more comfortable in your company.

  • Address others by name.

    Especially when you are new to a company, it can be difficult to remember all the names at first. Make an effort anyway. It shows that you care about the other person, that it is important enough to you to remember their names.

  • Take an interest in your counterpart.

    You can become more popular by showing interest in the other person. Similar to active listening, only now ask the person you are speaking to to tell more about yourself. Ask about your last vacation, about personal hobbies and let us explain what is so exciting about it for your colleague.

    If you can then contribute something from your point of view, it also has the nice effect that similarities become clear. This makes you more popular and is a great starting point to deepen a conversation.

  • Treat others with respect.

    This is particularly easy for us with people we like. But it's a sign of aplomb when you're at it too less likeable contemporaries keep your composure. This includes not exercising any open or even destructive criticism.

    Especially when someone is criticized in front of others, they can feel like they have been shown. This leads to insults and makes your interlocutor take a defensive stance. This is not the way to become more popular, this person will henceforth tend to avoid your presence.

    If there is reason to criticize, then you should learn to give only constructive criticism. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and at the same time offer solutions and improvements that will make them look better afterwards. And don't skimp on praise either.

  • Show appreciation.

    Here is between superficial and substantial compliments to distinguish. For example, a superficial compliment is "Your PowerPoint presentation was very clear." That's friendly, but at the same time a bit bland.

    Instead, you can say: "Because of your successful presentation, I only understood point XY, before that it was a book with seven seals for me." The explanation immediately makes the compliment more valuable.

    That’s no longer a polite blah-blah. And with such occasional appreciations, you can quickly become more popular.

  • Radiate optimism.

    Negativity pulls people down emotionally. On the other hand, those who are in a good mood are contagious and attractive to those around them. So make sure you work on one at all times positive charisma and attitude. You will see that in no time you will become more popular and also attract people with positive energy.

  • Get more confident.

    You can get more popular by becoming more confident. Make yourself less dependent on the opinion of others. Those who constantly inquire and depend on the confirmation of others appear insignificant and small. So work on your self-confidence by looking at yours Awareness of skills and successes.

    Define your values ​​clearly, live out your passion. Observe and improve your body language: A straight posture exudes self-confidence.

  • Communicate clearly and consciously.

    If you express yourself clearly and understandably, you automatically work on a better relationship with your counterpart. Ambiguous formulations or ambiguous behavior (say one thing, do the other) lead to misunderstandings.

    You can avoid that by signing up for short and clear formulations decide. Talk slowly and with pauses. Avoid unnecessary information such as decorations. This will help your listeners follow you.

  • Show your sense of humor.

    A lot of things are easier with humor, including stressful phases. And studies show that laughing together makes people attractive: According to a study by French psychology professor Nicolas Guéguen, women are three times more likely to give a stranger their phone number if they find him humorous.

    This doesn't just apply to flirting: people with a sense of humor usually have one too more positive attitude towards life. And we feel more drawn to people who can laugh at themselves and don't take life too seriously.

  • Be authentic.

    If you want to become more popular, then the point is not to please everyone. Yes, you should make time for others. Is that why you have to bend over and think everything is great? No. Corners and edges are also allowed. This includes saying no when a colleague asks you to take on work, for example.

    Not on principle, but you have to Develop a feeling for itwhether someone takes you seriously or is trying to take advantage of you. Fear of rejection must not lead you to permanently deny yourself. If you don't like yourself, how is someone else supposed to like you?

  • Thank you more often.

    Small gifts maintain friendship - this also applies to symbolic ones. Far too seldom do we say Thank-you. So, whenever someone did you a favor, this is something to keep in mind. The person will look right away more important and valued feel - and probably give help again in the future.

  • Be tolerant.

    Everyone makes mistakes, even you are not perfect. Learn to forgive minor imperfections, to overlook them generously. And give people a chance who are not likeable at first sight.

    Those who are new to a company and are not yet familiar with the customs are often insecure and lonely. Approach such people and show helpfulness by introducing them to other coworkers.

    Because a tolerant attitude enables you to get to know each other better. This gives you a chance to discover other aspects of your counterpart. With this generosity, you will become a role model and become more popular.

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[Photo credit: lassedesignen by Shutterstock.com; Collaboration: Minna Tran]

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17th December 2020Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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