Are there perfect boys, girls?

The perfect boy / girl

Illustration: karen-ernst What do we want for Christmas - apart from peace on earth and health for the whole family? And the Ugg boots and the Pirelli calendar and the i-pod and the stylish cell phone? The perfect boy or the perfect girl. But since both the perfect girl and the perfect boy have to correspond to a lot of ideas, we have already written a list of the twenty most important. Please put all candidates at the back. After all, you can wish for anything. The perfect boy ... 1. ... gets around on racing bikes, scooters or in small old sports cars. He never gets on a mountain bike or in a jeep. 2. ... explains a good book just as convincingly as a good X-Box game. 3. ... is not drunk in front of the girl (but with her). 4. ... can fix things and talk like Tim Allen. 5. ... has style and no inhibitions. 6. ... lends a hand in the household, of course, but not exaggerated. Automatically clears the table and cleans the kitchen again after cooking. 7. ... among us he is open and also soft, outwardly he is also allowed to stand his ground, but is not a stupid macho and always stands behind me in public. 8. ... is a good narrator and a good listener. 9. ... occasionally says and shows me that he loves me. 10. ... has a tattoo on his left forearm of a woman who swings her hips when he tenses his muscles. 11. ... even in the Sahara, only wears long trousers that just hang around the hips. 12. ... always has hair on his head and never hairstyles. 13. ... stands in front of my door at eight o'clock in the morning with a bag full of warm croissants. 14. ... doesn't ask why I'm crying, but gives me a handkerchief without an explanation. 15. ... can make coffee perfectly. 16. ... looks sexy in tank tops, but still doesn't wear them. 17. ... can ride a bicycle hands-free. 18. ... can distinguish a screwdriver from a saw and a play from a reading. 19. ... doesn't think it's bad to make up for a eyrie and doesn't scold me when I listen around. 20. ... likes to dance, it doesn't have to look good, by the way. The perfect girl ... 1. ... sometimes manages to speak so inimitably girly in a caressing language - but in no case does she always do that. In the best case, she is sometimes really rough in her language. 2. ... looks great when you try it for two hours, move, move again, move again differently, then put on make-up, etc. - but also, much more important, when it is crumpled in the morning after a long night Bed lies. 3. ... basically always wants to see me, urgently - but there is no doubt that she has to spend four evenings in a row with her friends if she has to. And if I have to do totally absurd boys things like role-playing, sledding with friends, whatever, for four evenings in a row, that's no problem either. 4. ... makes me laugh because she is who she is - and also laughs at me. 5. ... acknowledges that I want to pay for the pill - but makes it clear that that is entirely up to you. But she accepts to be invited to dinner once a month. 6. ... smells good. That's what perfect girls always do: they smell so good that you would want to put the smell in a bottle so you can always take it with you. 7. ... must have a more spidery handwriting than the boy. 8. ... only ever orders champagne, and if there isn't one, she creates a stylish scene for the bartender. 9. ... thinks August Diehl is good and Daniel Brühl is silly. 10. ... doesn’t think small children are unconditionally cute, but can still rush to help if someone shows up and wants something. 11. ... can laugh at Louis de Funes films. 12. ... has aesthetic elbows. 13. ... does not drink Diet Coke under any circumstances. 14. ... hates apples. 15. ... often says sentences like "I repaired the printer and bought a washing machine that is already connected. Besides, I'm not sick at all, that's just falling in love." 16. ... arrives at least reasonably punctually for appointments. Gives back things that she has borrowed and keeps things that she promised. Locks himself out of her home less than once a week and does not confuse thoughtlessness with freedom. And in other respects, too, it is gratifyingly undreamt-of. 17. ... never, never really fakes an orgasm. 18. ... finds things that I've misplaced within a very short time, before I get unfair and stinky. 19. ... when she drives, she has more parking tickets than me. 20. ... don't look disgusted when there is goulash soup for breakfast because there is nothing else in the house. The girls and boys from the editorial team. More texts from the sex criticism section are also available here