How do I stop despising myself
Our confidence is the best vaccine against contempt
Last update: March 31, 2017
Trust is the security in or expectation of someone or something. It also describes a person's suspicion and motivation to act. This can intensify or weaken in accordance with one's own actions or that of another. Confidence, on the other hand, is a healthy way to communicate. It is the ability to defend ourselves honestly and respectfully. But contempt can occur in the form of insults or slander and also through behavior, gestures or one's own attitude.
In the words of the psychologist Richard Wisemann life loses meaning when the self-confidence, curiosity and love of others is destroyed by the contempt for others or for oneself. We must not forget that an emotional injury that has arisen must be healed and that this person must also restore their self-confidence and joy of life.
"Without your consent, nobody can make you feel inferior."
How we can protect ourselves from contempt
Scientific studies at the University of Hamburg, led by the psychologist Barbara Berckhan, confirm that we are constantly exposed to verbal attacks and inappropriate criticism. In the eyes of this expert always start self-defense against verbal attacks with a declaration of independence, so as not to let our state of mind depend on others.
Every time we make our moods and emotions dependent on how others treat us, we are prisoners of ourselves. No matter how we are treated, we decide how we take it up. This author recommends, among other things, as a defense mechanism to hold up a protective shield, which fends off despicable behavior of others.
In order to acquire this protective shield, which will help us not to let the contempt of others approach us so much, Berckhan suggests the following three steps:
- We should remember a situation in which we remained calm even though it was irritating. We should visualize this situation again.
- Then we imagine a protective shield through which we can see and hear, but with which we cannot react.
- We are asked to choose a phrase to say to ourselves with contempt in situations such as: "Which does not concern me", or, "It has nothing to do with me at all."
Verbal attacks and insults aim to provoke and irritate, and it is also a stimulus in a certain way that one hopes for a certain negative answer or reaction on our part. If we don't play this game Let us protect ourselves against stressful situations and also against situations that result in a desire for revenge.
"What do you despise? You will be known for what you despise. "
How we can build our confidence
Every day we come across situations in which it helps us a lot to be self-confident and to have solid self-confidence. For example, when we invite someone to a meeting, ask a friend a favor, or introduce ourselves at a job interview. We don't always have the necessary self-confidence, which is why we have to work for it first.
Some people communicate in an extremely passive way, others even in an aggressive way. A confident demeanor is the ideal companion to create a balance between these two extremes. In other words, we should assert ourselves. A confident communication style is useful in doing what we want us to do, but it is even more useful than we think because once we are confident, we respect ourselves and others too.
People with a confident demeanor and those who exude confidence are neither shy nor quick-tempered. They just know that their opinions and feelings are important. In order to develop adequate self-confidence to assert ourselves, we need to put the following into action:
- Express our opinion or say how we are feeling.
- Asking for what we long for or what we need.
- Expressing in a respectful way that we disagree.
- Make suggestions or express our opinion.
- Saying no without feeling guilty.
- Defend fellow human beings.
“Believe in yourself, believe in your abilities. Without a humble but justified self-confidence you cannot be successful or happy. "
Norman Vincent Peale
Regain your confidence
A lack of self-confidence destroys more dreams than a lack of talent.
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