Do men ever forget their first love
Old love: why childhood love will not be forgotten
First love is special. (Photo: Imago)The first love felt wonderfully infinite. Until one sad day it broke. But what if you can't forget the first man? Almost every second German (47 percent) admits that he can't get his first love out of his head. In the memories, childhood love becomes a series of sunny days and romantic moments. "First love has a lot to do with enchantment," says family psychologist Wolfgang Hantel-Quitmann. The expert explains what makes childhood love so special - and how it shapes us.
Fulfillment of longings
Maybe we are indulging in the feelings of the past because they were so innocent and we were so young? "That is conceivable - in all subsequent relationships the proportion of reality is decidedly greater," says author Wolfgang Hantel-Quitmann (The secret plan of love). “There was no comparison, that's why first love was above all a realization of longing.” Indeed. Finally there was a guy to touch! The tall blonde from 12b, whom we always adored in the schoolyard? Forget! And our poster boys "Ridiculous! Our dreams got wings. And childhood was a thing of the past."
The first love is formative
If you look at old photos, you might be surprised what was so appealing about the sloppy guy with the impossible hairstyle. And yet it shaped us more than we believe: childhood love had dark curls and to this day you get weak with pretty, curly haired heads. Or he liked listening to hard rock and thus influenced his own taste in music. In the unpleasant case he cheated on us and even years later we don't trust a guy ...
The great sorrow
How strong are the injuries of the first love? "In principle, every partnership has the opportunity to correct previous experiences," says Wolfgang Hantel-Quitmann. Even those who have a loving family and good friends can overcome heartbreak and gain new trust. Regardless of whether it is the first, second or third time. But what if the longing for the one person doesn't go away? “If it was a great love, it can be so formative that we keep looking for it. This easily turns her into a phantom of all subsequent partnerships, ”says the expert.
Search for first love
Chasing after earlier feelings - this has become a real trend. 31 percent of Germans say "I would like to meet my first love again." In the USA this phenomenon is called "rekindling", in German "reflashing". Overseas websites but also in Germany help to track down an old flame. But be careful: evaluations by online intermediaries from the USA showed that married people who seek contact with ex-love are putting their marriage at risk: 82 percent of those who contacted their old one via the American website www.lostlovers.com were Had tied up love, married.
Goodbye with a happy ending?
It may be that the old love will blossom again. Sometimes, however, the reunion is not a new beginning, but rather a farewell: to the girl in love you once were. Or the imaginary feelings that stick to the heart like chewing gum on a shoe. The former dream man with a beer belly and bald head? Very sobering and often liberating. The expert: "Anyone looking for longing and the ideal will be stuck with first love for a long time. Anyone who looks at the matter a little more realistically can tick it off as a beautiful experience in youth."
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